Will this dream actually happen?

It is not easy to get so excited and passionate about doing something only to get the door slammed in your face. It hurts, and it makes you wonder what on earth is going on? Is it me? Is there something wrong with me? I felt I had a really good interview with the Bhutan program. It seemed like the perfect place for me to teach for a year. I'm a risk taker, a good teacher...and wants to teach abroad so much. I've gotten so excited about doing this ever since the idea really flourished within me. I'm so ready to go somewhere, away from the disappointing and stale life I live and do what I love: Teach. I can home from an uninspiring sub job with kids who were loud and obnoxious. Inside I was longing for the opportunity to have my class, my own students again. The thought of my teach abroad opportunities gave me hope. Hope in a dark time when every door to teaching has been slammed in my face. I arrived home only to find an e-mail from the Bhutan program telling me thanks but no thanks. They said they didn't think I had the right qualifications for their program. I didn't get it. I don't have the qualifications? I'm a certified teacher with experience. I've traveled to rural places and stayed in some really poor conditions. None of it phased me..none of it. Yes, I don't like moths or spiders..but I've put up with them in the past. Is that a reason to tell someone no? I looked at some of the profile of teachers who are there now..and guess what? There are a few who had never traveled before..and have very limited teaching experience. So what are they looking for? I don't know. I'm clueless. I'm so disappointed and really don't know if this dream will happen. I'm tired. I'm so tired of always being overlooked; of getting the short end of the stick; of being told, you're good but not good enough..there is someone better. I'm tired of it.. I still have the Abu Dhabi program, and some in Mexico..but will they give me a chance? Or will they tell me thanks but no thanks? I'm a good teacher.. and any school or program would be lucky to have me. I just want the opportunity. That is all I ask. I need these schools and programs to have faith in me..to believe in me. I'm a person of faith and perhaps God doesn't want me to live in a Buddhist country that doesn't have Catholic churches for year. Still...it would have been the opportunity of a life time..and some other 20 teachers will have the adventure I longed for. It is not fair..and it hurts. If they would have accepted me I know I would have gone. Will this dream happen? Will it ever happen? I know I can't give up, but I'm sad and hope that someday the dream will come true. I just wish it would happen now.

The Endless Possibilities

(photo: Me poolside looking towards the Pacific Ocean in Ixtapa, Mexico-July 2010, contemplating life-'My Facebook profile pic!")

Discerning of where I should teach abroad isn't an easy one. I'm typically a "go with the flow" type of person and believes that the right place and opportunity will be clear before my very eyes. In my last entry I mentioned that I had applied to a program to teach in Bhutan and another to teach in Abu Dhabi. Add two more to the mix: Cairo, Egypt and Cuernavaca, Mexico. Mexico? My "home" country? So how did these two countries emerge? Well one of the programs that places teachers in Abu Dhabi told me that they have some openings in Cairo and also in Dubai, which like Abu Dhabi is in the United Arab Emerites. The recruiter asked if I would be interested in either of those cities and I said sure. He sent me information on these international schools, including a school in Abu Dhabi that needs teachers ASAP and I read it all with great interest. As I was reading however, my heart sank as I read about all the hardships some of these schools are having. The one in Abu Dhabi especially brought concern as it honestly explained that due to a lack of resources many of the students are very behind and have serious discipline problems. It also added that the school building itself needs many repairs and upgrades. This is an international school, and is not funded by the Abu Dhabi School District. Here is what they wrote in their "teaser": A challenging and rewarding experience is waiting for you in a local English speaking US school in Abu Dhabi. As the phoenix rises from the ashes with an experienced and delightful headteacher at the helm, this school will give you the full on challenge of local international education if you are up to it. Well, I thought, at least they are honest. Am I up to the challenge though?
The school in Dubai sounded more promising. They had a new building, a strong curriculum and the students were pretty much at grade level. The same for the one in Cairo and the building looked gorgeous. I still have yet to hear from the other Abu Dhabi program, the one that focuses only on local public schools. I'm always up for a challenge and I would think children in these settings especially in the school in Abu Dhabi need caring, dedicated teachers like me to be there for them. Still, something inside me wondered what else might be there waiting for me since the recruiter did tell me he most likely will have a lot more openings in the coming weeks.
Then there is Bhutan. I have an interview set for next week and I'm excited. Bhutan would be a challenge and would give me an opportunity to immerse myself in a completely unknown culture. I would be teaching in either a rural school or in a more central school in a larger village or city excluding the two major ones-Thimphu-the capital, and Paro-where the only airport in the country is located. I could have as many as 40 students in a class. It would be more of what you would expect from a Peace Corps experience than teaching at an American/international school. I had the privilege of communicating with a teacher who is currently in the Bhutan program and I appreciated her insights and experiences. I recently watched a movie called "Travellers and Magicians" which was filmed entirely in the Kingdom of Bhutan. Both the teacher I spoke with and the Foundation sponsoring the program recommended it on their blogs. I highly recommend seeing it as well. It is spoken in the native language with English subtitles. The message-without giving the movie away- is that when you go after a dream for selfish reasons, then the dream becomes a nightmare. How true that is. I've had dreams...many dreams and sometimes I take the risk and follow my heart. Other times, I go for the comfort zone, for the salary, for the allure, and that is when my world comes crashing down. I must say, right now Bhutan is number one on my list of places I'd like to teach at. There is just something about this place that has me mezmorized. Perhaps it has to do with their focus on Gross National Happiness, or their profound devotion and practice of Buddhism (this coming from the highly devoted Roman Catholic here) or their respect for nature and living simply amongst the mighty Himalayan Mountains. I know I would value from an experience there and hopefully change for the better. Of course, I need to ace this interview first and I know that it will be competitive with both several Canadian and U.S. applicants. But the more I read about it the more I want to go. I guess it is in God's hands..
Which leads me to the final new place: Mexico.
How on earth did my "home country" appear out of nowhere? I was born and raised in the United States, but my roots will always be in Mexico. Today after the 8:30 mass at St. Aloysius a group called Friends of the Orphans introduced two young orphan teenagers from Mexico who have benefited from the program over the years. Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos-as it is called has homes throughout Latin America and the Caribbean. They house and educate orphans giving them a safe place to grow up and a better quality of life. I personally had never heard of the program prior to today. The teens danced three beautiful folklorico dances from the state of Jalisco and I couldn't help but feel pride for them. They (a boy and girl) were excellent dancers and represented Mexico beautifully. I would be lying if I didn't say I felt an ache in heart for Mexico, and of course this brought back feelings of wanting to teach in El Salvador one day. After wards I spoke with them and congratulated them on a job well done. They, in typical Mexican manner were grateful and gave me a kiss on the cheek as a thank you and as a "nice to meet you", something that you just don't see here in the U.S. I then spoke to the program representative and told her I was a teacher and looking at teaching abroad in possibly Asia or the Middle East. She then told me that they always are looking for English teacher "volunteers" to come to Mexico, Honduras or other places where they have "orphanages". I told them to please send me some more information and they promised they would follow up. I have to be honest; my heart belongs to Latin America. It is the place of my culture and heritage, a place of my ancestors and family. A young man who was raised in one of the orphanages and now is a doctor at one of the schools accompanied the dancers and spoke to the congregation. He said he wanted to give back to his community which supported him in achieving his dreams. In the same sense I want to do the same. To be able to serve/teach in the land of my ancestors would be an honor. I still hope to get into the teach in Bhutan program, or even Abu Dhabi, but it is good to know that if I do get in and when I return, I have an option to teach in Mexico. (I missed the deadline for this year). I wondered as I was driving back to my home if I was going back to the "obvious and familiar" to me. But there is nothing wrong with wanting to serve in a place that gave me my family and my cultural identity.
I love teaching. I'm a good teacher and while subbing is giving me experience and much needed money I want my own classroom again. These past two weeks I've had excellent classrooms and one nightmare of a classroom. I want my own class of students. I want to know that I'm going to the same place everyday and watching my students succeed and grow. I want to make a difference in a child's life and help nurture dreams. Teaching abroad can give me that opportunity plus experience a culture that will forever be in my heart. But the question remains: Where? and When? As someone once told me: All in God's time.

Why do I want teach abroad?

(This picture is of me reading to school children in El Salvador)

Over the last year I have been trying to figure out what to do with this teaching degree and Master's that I worked so hard to get. I was so happy teaching at a school here in Spokane only to be told that due to budget cuts I would not be getting a new contract. So I felt stuck, wanting so much to go back into teaching but getting discouraged by the several if not hundreds of rejection e-mails from school districts telling me, sorry, we did not chose you for an interview. I looked at my application and my file and wondered how a principal could not see how qualified I am to teach? I'm bilingual, love working with children, am passionate about helping them to bring their assessment scores up. My philosophy is that every child has the ability to learn and succeed regardless of past performance or learning abilities. I believe in teaching..I love teaching..so why was I lost in the shuffle even though I had good teaching experience? Was it a sign teaching was not the career for me? Doubt set in. I began to wonder if I would ever get my own classroom again. I had to settle for subbing, and while this gave me a lot of experience and knowledge of schools around the Spokane districts, I missed having my own class, my students, my co-workers. I also learned fast that even though you may be a wonderful teacher, there are students out there who do not respect subs. A sub is a joke to them, and that was tough to deal with..because I am nobody's joke. I respected those schools where teachers taught their students well and told them to respect guest teachers, but unfortunately, I didn't see too many of those. I even took another job at a newspaper, my other degree and that was fine, but my heart belonged to teaching. I remember griping about this to a friend who out of no where said, "Have you ever considered teaching in another country?" The truth was, I had. I had visited El Salvador a few years ago and taught for a few weeks at a small village school as part of an immersion experience with the Providence Sisters in Spokane. I loved it. It was the best few weeks of my life. I was way out of my comfort zone but I saw past it. I stayed in decent accommodations for El Salvador standards but still had nothing compared to my comfort zone in Washington. I had a mosquito net over my bed and woke up to find a few new friends sitting on top of it. I couldn't imagine what it would be like without it. I would've been covered in moths, junebugs and spiders in the morning. It was hot, super humid, and saw some of the biggest bugs I have ever seen in my life. Did I mentioned I have a fear of spiders and moths? Well this was the land of giant spiders and Mothra. Not to mention giant black bugs flying around aimlessly hitting you in the face at dusk. And the torrential thunderstorms at night were both relaxing, and yet frightening, for I never knew if the rains would flood the village's muddy roads. Being originally from Mexico and visiting family there frequently I thought El Salvador would be close to the same. But Mexico is much more developed than the Bajo Lempa regions of El Salvador, and even my late grandparents' rural ranch was a palace compare to what the people in this humble rural village had. Some were lucky to have a roof. I easily fell in love with the children, and listening to the people's war stories was powerful and overwhelming. The school I was at was small and I taught a 1-2 combo. They had a real lack of resources and was shocked that first and second graders were only learning vowel sounds. I still remember how excited the kids were when I brought white paper..Yes paper, the kind we use everyday for printing or drawing. It was rare for them to get it. You would of thought it was candy to them. It was unbelievable. I didn't want to leave and wanted to come back. I settled my heart on teaching in El Salvador one day..and so I waited..and waited..but the opportunity never came. Every time someone told me..Oh, I think we can work something out and bring you back, it never happened and it was hard for me.
Yes, I had thought about teaching abroad.
"Well if El Salvador isn't working out for you, why don't you consider other countries? You have a bright future ahead of you.." My friend added.
Another country? No..my heart is set on El Salvador, I thought. What I didn't realize is that I was limiting myself. I needed to explore and see what else was out there waiting for me. I did want to teach abroad and immerse myself in another culture and learn about their education system. For years I've had that desire to do something beyond my expectations and to make a real difference in this world. About a month ago, with no hope that I would land a teaching job in Spokane this school year again, aside from subbing, I did some web searches to see what I could find. There were so many programs and schools it was almost overwhelming. I didn't know where to even start. Two places immediately caught my attention; why I don't know. Bhutan and Abu Dhabi. Never..Never in my entire life did I ever think I would travel to these places let alone consider them as a possible places for me to teach and live. The more I read about these two places the more they began to intrigue me. Something about Bhutan reminded me of the people in El Salvador. It is a tiny landlocked country in between India and China. And Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates well it sounds like an exciting place with endless opportunities. So I have applied to some programs and international schools and hoping something will work out for me. I figure, I'm subbing and don't have a contract, I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't even have a boyfriend anymore. Maybe now is the time to do this. I am a person of faith, who knows that God has a great plan for me. It's not always clear but I need to put my trust in God and know that I will follows His will and go wherever He wants me to serve. The thought of teaching abroad on the other side of the world frightens and excites me. I want this. I really do. The unknowns sometimes take you to places that help you become a better and stronger person. Only time will tell. I have a life I love here in Spokane, and people that I don't want to leave, but I know that whatever happens Spokane will always be here when I return. I need to take this leap of faith, and who knows maybe El Salvador is still not out of the picture, but I need to try this now. I just need to wait and see what happens.