Will this dream actually happen?

It is not easy to get so excited and passionate about doing something only to get the door slammed in your face. It hurts, and it makes you wonder what on earth is going on? Is it me? Is there something wrong with me? I felt I had a really good interview with the Bhutan program. It seemed like the perfect place for me to teach for a year. I'm a risk taker, a good teacher...and wants to teach abroad so much. I've gotten so excited about doing this ever since the idea really flourished within me. I'm so ready to go somewhere, away from the disappointing and stale life I live and do what I love: Teach. I can home from an uninspiring sub job with kids who were loud and obnoxious. Inside I was longing for the opportunity to have my class, my own students again. The thought of my teach abroad opportunities gave me hope. Hope in a dark time when every door to teaching has been slammed in my face. I arrived home only to find an e-mail from the Bhutan program telling me thanks but no thanks. They said they didn't think I had the right qualifications for their program. I didn't get it. I don't have the qualifications? I'm a certified teacher with experience. I've traveled to rural places and stayed in some really poor conditions. None of it phased me..none of it. Yes, I don't like moths or spiders..but I've put up with them in the past. Is that a reason to tell someone no? I looked at some of the profile of teachers who are there now..and guess what? There are a few who had never traveled before..and have very limited teaching experience. So what are they looking for? I don't know. I'm clueless. I'm so disappointed and really don't know if this dream will happen. I'm tired. I'm so tired of always being overlooked; of getting the short end of the stick; of being told, you're good but not good enough..there is someone better. I'm tired of it.. I still have the Abu Dhabi program, and some in Mexico..but will they give me a chance? Or will they tell me thanks but no thanks? I'm a good teacher.. and any school or program would be lucky to have me. I just want the opportunity. That is all I ask. I need these schools and programs to have faith in me..to believe in me. I'm a person of faith and perhaps God doesn't want me to live in a Buddhist country that doesn't have Catholic churches for year. Still...it would have been the opportunity of a life time..and some other 20 teachers will have the adventure I longed for. It is not fair..and it hurts. If they would have accepted me I know I would have gone. Will this dream happen? Will it ever happen? I know I can't give up, but I'm sad and hope that someday the dream will come true. I just wish it would happen now.

The Endless Possibilities

(photo: Me poolside looking towards the Pacific Ocean in Ixtapa, Mexico-July 2010, contemplating life-'My Facebook profile pic!")

Discerning of where I should teach abroad isn't an easy one. I'm typically a "go with the flow" type of person and believes that the right place and opportunity will be clear before my very eyes. In my last entry I mentioned that I had applied to a program to teach in Bhutan and another to teach in Abu Dhabi. Add two more to the mix: Cairo, Egypt and Cuernavaca, Mexico. Mexico? My "home" country? So how did these two countries emerge? Well one of the programs that places teachers in Abu Dhabi told me that they have some openings in Cairo and also in Dubai, which like Abu Dhabi is in the United Arab Emerites. The recruiter asked if I would be interested in either of those cities and I said sure. He sent me information on these international schools, including a school in Abu Dhabi that needs teachers ASAP and I read it all with great interest. As I was reading however, my heart sank as I read about all the hardships some of these schools are having. The one in Abu Dhabi especially brought concern as it honestly explained that due to a lack of resources many of the students are very behind and have serious discipline problems. It also added that the school building itself needs many repairs and upgrades. This is an international school, and is not funded by the Abu Dhabi School District. Here is what they wrote in their "teaser": A challenging and rewarding experience is waiting for you in a local English speaking US school in Abu Dhabi. As the phoenix rises from the ashes with an experienced and delightful headteacher at the helm, this school will give you the full on challenge of local international education if you are up to it. Well, I thought, at least they are honest. Am I up to the challenge though?
The school in Dubai sounded more promising. They had a new building, a strong curriculum and the students were pretty much at grade level. The same for the one in Cairo and the building looked gorgeous. I still have yet to hear from the other Abu Dhabi program, the one that focuses only on local public schools. I'm always up for a challenge and I would think children in these settings especially in the school in Abu Dhabi need caring, dedicated teachers like me to be there for them. Still, something inside me wondered what else might be there waiting for me since the recruiter did tell me he most likely will have a lot more openings in the coming weeks.
Then there is Bhutan. I have an interview set for next week and I'm excited. Bhutan would be a challenge and would give me an opportunity to immerse myself in a completely unknown culture. I would be teaching in either a rural school or in a more central school in a larger village or city excluding the two major ones-Thimphu-the capital, and Paro-where the only airport in the country is located. I could have as many as 40 students in a class. It would be more of what you would expect from a Peace Corps experience than teaching at an American/international school. I had the privilege of communicating with a teacher who is currently in the Bhutan program and I appreciated her insights and experiences. I recently watched a movie called "Travellers and Magicians" which was filmed entirely in the Kingdom of Bhutan. Both the teacher I spoke with and the Foundation sponsoring the program recommended it on their blogs. I highly recommend seeing it as well. It is spoken in the native language with English subtitles. The message-without giving the movie away- is that when you go after a dream for selfish reasons, then the dream becomes a nightmare. How true that is. I've had dreams...many dreams and sometimes I take the risk and follow my heart. Other times, I go for the comfort zone, for the salary, for the allure, and that is when my world comes crashing down. I must say, right now Bhutan is number one on my list of places I'd like to teach at. There is just something about this place that has me mezmorized. Perhaps it has to do with their focus on Gross National Happiness, or their profound devotion and practice of Buddhism (this coming from the highly devoted Roman Catholic here) or their respect for nature and living simply amongst the mighty Himalayan Mountains. I know I would value from an experience there and hopefully change for the better. Of course, I need to ace this interview first and I know that it will be competitive with both several Canadian and U.S. applicants. But the more I read about it the more I want to go. I guess it is in God's hands..
Which leads me to the final new place: Mexico.
How on earth did my "home country" appear out of nowhere? I was born and raised in the United States, but my roots will always be in Mexico. Today after the 8:30 mass at St. Aloysius a group called Friends of the Orphans introduced two young orphan teenagers from Mexico who have benefited from the program over the years. Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos-as it is called has homes throughout Latin America and the Caribbean. They house and educate orphans giving them a safe place to grow up and a better quality of life. I personally had never heard of the program prior to today. The teens danced three beautiful folklorico dances from the state of Jalisco and I couldn't help but feel pride for them. They (a boy and girl) were excellent dancers and represented Mexico beautifully. I would be lying if I didn't say I felt an ache in heart for Mexico, and of course this brought back feelings of wanting to teach in El Salvador one day. After wards I spoke with them and congratulated them on a job well done. They, in typical Mexican manner were grateful and gave me a kiss on the cheek as a thank you and as a "nice to meet you", something that you just don't see here in the U.S. I then spoke to the program representative and told her I was a teacher and looking at teaching abroad in possibly Asia or the Middle East. She then told me that they always are looking for English teacher "volunteers" to come to Mexico, Honduras or other places where they have "orphanages". I told them to please send me some more information and they promised they would follow up. I have to be honest; my heart belongs to Latin America. It is the place of my culture and heritage, a place of my ancestors and family. A young man who was raised in one of the orphanages and now is a doctor at one of the schools accompanied the dancers and spoke to the congregation. He said he wanted to give back to his community which supported him in achieving his dreams. In the same sense I want to do the same. To be able to serve/teach in the land of my ancestors would be an honor. I still hope to get into the teach in Bhutan program, or even Abu Dhabi, but it is good to know that if I do get in and when I return, I have an option to teach in Mexico. (I missed the deadline for this year). I wondered as I was driving back to my home if I was going back to the "obvious and familiar" to me. But there is nothing wrong with wanting to serve in a place that gave me my family and my cultural identity.
I love teaching. I'm a good teacher and while subbing is giving me experience and much needed money I want my own classroom again. These past two weeks I've had excellent classrooms and one nightmare of a classroom. I want my own class of students. I want to know that I'm going to the same place everyday and watching my students succeed and grow. I want to make a difference in a child's life and help nurture dreams. Teaching abroad can give me that opportunity plus experience a culture that will forever be in my heart. But the question remains: Where? and When? As someone once told me: All in God's time.